Solace?

I remember the times when I was in college, while I was still staying in my old rented room. Griya Satria, yes that's the name. I remember the bed, the balcony in front of my room, the people, the good times.

I remember how I liked to watch DVD during night time while having snack. And yes I called a plate of fried rice as snack. I did that when I had not much to do. Or depressed. It was quite a solace for me.

Now. A couple of years after I moves from that room, living in a new one, I'm doing the same thing. Watching DVD, munching, at night time. Not all the time. Just now. Fat alert? totally. My friends used to call it binge eating. They claimed it makes you happy. Well it kinda did. It temporalily distracted me from whatever I was thinking. Things that was splitting my head and breaking my heart.

Now. I'm repracticing that old routine, hoping that I can feel a little bit happy before I close my day and start a new one, filled with struggle. Why I'm doing that? Especially considering how well I've managed my diet and habit? In a nutshell: my love life sucks; my friendships are sinking; other than that, prety flat. Nothing. So I guess I tried to bury myself with work. Guess what? I'm afraid I'm gonna flunk it as well.

So here I am. Cup noodles, some pieces of chicken, coffee and DVDs. Fulll belly, empty heart. Happy? I don't know.