16 days to December 25th

It's December. And what does December remind me the most? Christmas. I kinda hate knowing Christmas is near because it reminds me that I'm alone. I'll be spending Christmas alone. Single. Not having my family to celebrate Christmas. Not celebrating it with my friends as well because they will be having their white Christmas with their family and other friends. It sucks and yes I have to deal with it.

Another sucky part about December is my birthday. I really look forward to my birthday every year. But the thing is, it often ends with disappointment: closest friends forgot my birthday, been broke, single and alone, hell I don't think my parents even remember my birthday if my sister didn't tell them.

I'm starting to give up on the whole Christmas magic and spirit thingy, even starting to give up hoping. I'm also starting to hate birthdays. Because I prayed, I asked and I worked for so many things and they just never happened or came true. It's illy but I do wish something magically, some pleasant surprises happen on my so-called-important days.

People who read this (even though I believe no one reads this blog) will say that I'm selfish and not being grateful. Well wanting some things doesn't make one become selfish an ungrateful. Besides, growing up, I didn't have that much either.

As much as I'm bracing myself to face the holiday season, I don't wanna be alone for my birthday, Christmas and New year. sigh...